How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
