when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
