Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
