I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
