2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
