I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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