I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
