My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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