If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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