i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My cat gives me a boner
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
