Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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