pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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