so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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