My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
