I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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