and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
