I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
