I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
