he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
