then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So drunk its hurt
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
