I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize