you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
