it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
