Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
