I wanna bring you to show and tell
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
