whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
