forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
