Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
