My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
