What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
