can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
