Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
