Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
