One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
