He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
