Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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