and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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