there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
