my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are the jesus of drinking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
