First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
