the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.