I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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