I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
