There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
