it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
organizing the empties. That sober.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
