i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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