Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
