you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
