Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
