Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
