Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
