After last night, I could never be a politician.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
