ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
