hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
