Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
