We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
