He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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