btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
