he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is my gift to your gina
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
