im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
