the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
