I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
