I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
