I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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