I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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