i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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