quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
