So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
